August 2006

A shapeless piece of steel, that’s all I claim to be
This hammer pounds to give me form, this flame, it melts my dreams
I glow with fire and fury, as I’m twisted like a vine
My final shape, my final form I’m sure I’m bound to find

So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I’ll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the flames
And hurt a little, hurt for me my future is untold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for thee, the hammer holds

And the water, it cools me gray, and the hurt’s subdued somehow
I have my shape, this sharpened point, what is my purpose now?
And the question still remains, what am I to be?
Perhaps some perfect piece of art displayed for all to see

So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I’ll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the flames
And hurt a little, hurt for me my future is untold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for thee, the hammer holds

The hammer pounds again, but flames I do not feel
This force that drives me, helplessly, through flesh, and wood reveals
A burn that burns much deeper, it’s more than I can stand
The reason for my life was to take the life of a guiltless man

So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I’ll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the pain
And hurt a little, hurt for me, my future is so bold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for thee, the hammer holds

This task before me may seem unclear
But it, my maker holds

So I guess it’s not fair to just post the lyrics…it just doesn’t seem right for a blog.  I try to listen to this song every day, at least once.  It’s literaly that good.  It was one of the first I put on my “Truth” mix for my iPod.  On so many levels, for so many issues, it speaks really clearly to me.  All the trials I may face, they’re just shaping me to become the woman that God has planned for me to be.  I love the honesty that Bebo Norman conveys as he sings this song, too.  All his songs just flow from his heart.

I also love the chorus:

“So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I’ll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the pain
And hurt a little, hurt for me, my future is so bold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for thee, the hammer holds”

God is right there, guiding me through it all.  I especially can relate to the line “my future is so bold” because I so desperately want to live a bold life for Christ, half the time I don’t believe that it would ever be possible for me to do that.  And yet, the last line of the chorus just simply states that no matter what my dreams are, God has them all in His hands.  I don’t need to worry about whether or not I will live my life boldly, whether I will become the best elementary music teacher there ever was, whether or not I will get to play in the Chicago Symphony (or any symphony), whether or not I will meet someone and raise a family that learns to trust God for everything…God has my future, I don’t need to worry about it.  As much as I hate to say it, God may say ‘No’ to my dreams, but that just means He has something better in mind.

I just got back from a band camp that I was instructing at. I played mellophone (the big trumpet/instrument you march with if you play french horn) in high school, haven’t played/marched in two years, but I really wanted to instruct this summer. The section I worked with was amazing. Really good kids, really strong players too. What was even cooler was the entire band was so driven. Almost every single rehearsal was extremely productive, and if it wasn’t it was because of a stupid drill writer who obviously wasn’t doing the job he had been paid to do. Yeah, I got really really frustrated a couple of times…or an entire day, take your pick. But my section was awesome and they really pushed their way through it all. Seriously, they had really hard drill. The entire opener was a bunch of boxes and straight lines and diagonal pushes across the field, and for those that didn’t do marching band…those sets are really hard. Everyone in the stands knows it’s supposed to be a straight line, and if it isn’t…they know it’s wrong. The curves are a lot easier to set, because as long as you are in a curve…you’re okay. Yeah, follow the leader moves in a diamond shape going backwards…..follow the leader moves going at 136 bpm (which is relatively fast for a high school group, which was made up mostly freshman and sophomores). And that was just the opener. The closer, which they haven’t learned yet, goes up to 160 I’m pretty sure. And in the ballad, they are double timing (two steps per beat) at 80 and 90 bpm (you do the math). So yeah, it was really hard, but I didn’t really hear anyone say they couldn’t do it. To be honest, I’m not sure these kids realized how hard some of their moves actually were, which is awesome! I don’t know, building years can be really difficult, but this band is starting strong and is only going to get better and better!!!

There were a couple days were I just didn’t feel like I was doing anything to help or teach these kids anything. I actually felt like I was causing more problems than anything else. Last night as they were doing their run-throughs of the opener, the mellos were nailing their sets and playing really well, too. I definitely teared up, because I realized that it wasn’t about me pushing them or putting them in a spot, it was about me teaching them and helping them so that they could push themselves. It’s never going to be me marching on that field, it’s going to be them. When I saw what they accomplished, I wasn’t thinking, “look what I did!” I’m not even sure what I was thinking, but it was still really amazing to see my influence in these kids pay off, and I’m confident that they will finish their season really well and feel a lot of pride in all their work.

So, that was my amazing teaching story. I think I learned a lot about teaching, mainly that I have a lot more to learn about teaching, but still…..it’s really cool. Definitely a great way to start off this semester when I’m taking a bunch of instrumental tech classes that would be pointless to take unless I wanted to teach at all. 18 credit hours, 9 classes….I wouldn’t put myself through that kind of stress unless I was sure that teaching was something God was putting in my heart.

Happy Birthday, Kristen!

Today my baby tister turns 17!!!!!!

She’s babysitting right now, poor kid.

Long time blogger, but this is probably the nicest looking blog I’ve ever been on.

I go back to school on the 31st, my church in Ann Arbor (New Life) is having its kick-off service on the 3rd, I have my ensemble audition on the 3rd (not ready…) and then classes start on the 5th. I’m taking 9 courses and 18 credits, but I’m excited about all of my classes so that’ll definitely help.

I’ve been instructing for a marching band in the area, and that’s been really awesome. I feel like God has given me an even greater passion for teaching this summer, and it’s been really cool seeing myself grow and improve. At the beginning of the summer, I was really doubting whether or not I would be able to teach, but right now I feel like God is truly calling me somewhere in that direction and He has given me the ability to teach. It’s really awesome seeing everyone in the section grow and improve. I’m really excited to see what else happens with the group at camp (next week) and throughout the season! The band is playing Dvorak’s 9th Symphony, which is one heck of a symphonic work. Highly recommended!

My parents just got back from the UP. It’s been really nice hanging out with my sister, but it will be even better being able to sleep at night.

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